Some Days I Just...Cry...

Some days I just cry.
Why you ask?


I cry for the love I have for my children is so overwhelming some days it becomes tears of joy and love I cannot contain.

Sarah 1 Day Old

Sarah 3 1/2 Years

Four short years ago I was pregnant with our first. Sarah Rose would come to us early in the morning,  two weeks overdue, and change my heart forever. Love flowed from me as she grew. I watched as she was captivated by Baby Einstein's World of Color. Watched her crawl, walk, fall in love with her daddy who had been gone, and watched her change. With each milestone my heart was overjoyed and proud, but at the same time sad. Milestones meant growing up. Our baby girl swiftly was growing into a toddler, and soon a big sister.

Natalie 1 Day Old

Natalie 1 1/2 Years

 Two years ago I was carrying Natalie. Her pregnancy was the hardest emotionally. It was a dark and trying time in our marriage, but God gave us light and love in the little spitfire growing inside me. She came mid-morning after a healing cesarean, and I watched them bring this new squishy baby to me and I loved her. She was our tiny Little (still is) and as she grew her happiness spread to the rest of us. She crawled late and walked late, but her spirit was never diminished. She also took the roll of big sister well.

Almost 3 months ago Reese was born an hour and twenty minutes after her due date in our living room. Her entrance into the world was peaceful and calm. She is such a cuddly baby, and I now already miss the squishy newborn stage.

Reese 1 Day Old

Reese 2 1/2 Months

Some days I cry.

I cry because time is so fleeting and every moment so precious. My love is so overwhelming that most days I just stare in awe and the crazy little blessings running around my home.

Watching them every day grow and change, knowing this season of motherhood is so short-lived, I try my best enjoy every second and every snuggle.

Some days I feel like I will lose my mind. Some days I end the day with grief because I feel I failed as a mother. But most days are beautiful. The days when I set aside my housework when I hear a voice say, "Snuggle with me mama." and when I sit down my lap is suddenly full with three girls fighting for room.  The day will come when they no longer will fight to sit in my lap, so I cherish this time. This season is so brief.

I cry for joy when I see Sarah comforting and sooting Natalie and Reese. I see Natalie hold her babies and rock saying, "Sweet baby, sweet baby."  God is gracious by showing me a reflection in my children that I am doing something right.

 Some days I cry when I leave for work and they trail behind me and cry. Or when Sarah says, "I'm sad you go to work mommy." For they don't understand the sacrifice I make now is just that; a sacrifice. That it is harder for me to walk out the door than it is for them to see me leave. I want them to know that they can be a loving mother and still have a career if that is what they choose.  They need to see that with as much as I love them, sometimes in a marriage we give 110% of ourselves along with our husbands to make a marriage and a life work. If that means mom works some, that is is OK.  I want them to see that in a marriage you both sacrifice to provide, it is a team. I cry some days for the moments that I miss; but I pray my example will help them grow into confident women who can face the world.

I love my girls. They are my world. I am so grateful God saw fit to give me time with my girls. The tears I shed are not tears of grief, but of joy and thankfulness. It is bittersweet to watch them grow, but also the biggest blessing I have ever experienced in my life.

So I cry.

But these tears are not tears wasted. They are just an outward show of my love and how much I am putting into these three beautiful people....and one day these three beautiful girls will be women and mothers...and they too will understand why sometimes moms just cry.