Flying After a Leap of Faith

 Many times we get stuck in a rut. We get comfortable in our space and around our people, that the thought of change is not even fathomable. The familiarity of your surroundings and your daily life is [mostly] predictable. You know everything about that rut, and you love the people that surround you. You could never imagine leaving. Ever. Even so much as say it to your husband a thousand times that moving is the last thing ever you want to do.

Then God moves.

...and He says to move.

Not just across town or across the state. You move across the country.

Not for a calling in the ministry. Not to become active lay-people of a local church. Just move.

Of course job security-wise it made sense. Sam had stayed home long enough, he was ready for a job with a future. So God provided that job and the benefits have been astounding.

We wanted our girls involved in school and other children's activities. Everything we ever wanted was in the town God put on our hearts; and on top of that affordable!

I questioned myself and Sam over and over,  "Are you sure this is the right thing?" He would look at me with confidence and faith and say YES.

Fear pattered in my heart. My heart broke as I knew I would leave the people I loved, people that meant so much to me. Sam's heart saddened, as he too knew he would say goodbye to his familiar life and his family.  We would be close to my parents, and that was an exciting thing for us.

Sam never wavered. He has been such an example of faith to me. Even when he had strong opposition; he never wavered on what he knew God wanted us to do.

What a man my husband is.

I told the Lord we needed the money and a home to move. I didn't want to come up here and live in a hotel for months with three small children. Within a couple weeks both were provided.

From our decision to move in March until our final day in KY the end of May...everything fell into place. If that wasn't God's hand, I don't know what it was.

Once here Sam got to work immediately. I started networking around get my lactation practice up and running. Through it I have met some amazing women. My mom told me of the MOPS group that met once a week, and they held a women's bible study.  I decided to give it a go.

It would be life changing.

What a wonderful group of women. I have not felt that much love and christian communion among a group of women as I feel there. They barely knew me and prayed for me, loved me as though I have been there forever. It is a group I have prayed for years to be a part of, and have never found it truly in all the churches or places I've been. Normal moms and kids just making it like I am. We come together with all our struggles and no faces of piety or judgement. My heart swells with Christian love for all of those women.

Sarah has joined gymnastics and has blossomed over the summer. She has grown in confidence and in personality. She starts school in the fall...so hard to believe.
Natalie has grown too. She is such a high-spirited, stubborn girl with a big heart. She loves her daddy and her Papa. That kid will play hockey next year...she loves to bulldoze people haha.
Reese...well she is just rotten.

Sam has made a few friends and has even found great help in the VA here. We both have grown in faith so much. He has grown in faith; which is such a blessing.

There have been ups and downs since we have been here, but never once have we doubted our faith-decision to move. God's hand has been on it since day one. The longer we are here the more we see it.  

So after four years of mostly valleys and trials, we are so happy to be given our "expected end" (for now) and fly on our wings of peace. The leap of faith was so worth it.

Dear Tired Mama

Dear Tired Mama,
 I know you are weary. I know that right now you are sitting and sighing out all the tension of a days work. You look around your home and you see all the things that still need to be done and you drop your head. You wish for ten minutes that every spot in the house would be clean, and that all the children would stay in their beds so you can have five minutes of perfect peace. 
 Tears well up in your eyes as all-too-familiar thoughts come to mind, I was too harsh. Why did I wish for bedtime so quickly? I am wishing my precious time away with them. Oh...but I couldn't stand the crying anymore. Am I a bad mother? Why can't I do everything that <insert name> does? I should really clean the baseboards. Do I have baseboards? These thoughts, and thoughts like them, start running and spiraling out of control. You wish for perfection and a Pinterest life, and are overwhelmed and frustrated when it doesn't turn out that way.
 You are not alone in your frustrations. Lower the bar on yourself. This does not indicate failure, but will give you room to breathe. You deserve to breathe. Take a room a day; a half room a day. Keep the pestilence away and stop just surviving. You deserve to sit down at the end of a long day and feel accomplished. Fed the kids? Everyone happy and healthy? You have done your job. Everything else comes in its time. 
 One day these short years of little ones and dirty floors will be a memory. You will have sparkling floors and clean tables (maybe even laundry caught up!), but for now enjoy your moment. Enjoy the lives and love that surround you. I know you're tired; but in the end all this will be worth it. 

There are no ways to be a perfect mother...but a million ways to be a good one.

The Looking Glass

Found this looking over a few things. It is a poem I wrote back in 2007.

The Looking Glass



I can't stop myself from
Looking into the glass;
Trying to see the future,
And what may come to pass.

All I want to know
Is when this road ends;
All the lonely moments gone,
and happiness finally begins.

I've been waiting for
That moment so long,
Thinking at times I've
Had it; but was wrong.

Years of pointless heartache
I could have done without;
And years of scars making a skeptic,
That I can't do anything about.

But now I stand before
This mirror hoping to see,
That moment in my life
When I am finally free.

My hand on the glass
To wipe away the gray;
Only to find that
It will not go away.

The more that I try
To see just a peak;
The gray gets darker,
Filling me with defeat.

After a moment I
Finally step back and see;
That the glass will never reveal
More than the present state of me.

I stand aghast at the sight
Of the reflection standing there;
Seeing the scars and bruises
That so obviously appear.

This other me is not
What others tend to know;
The one who smiles all the time,
And puts on a good show.

This is the one who
Haunts me day and night;
Makes me regret everything
That I didn't do just right.

I quickly turn away
And turn to my right;
Before me stood Christ,
In all His glory and might.

He says to me softly
that I'm no longer alone;
And all my wounds and sin
He alone can atone.

He is the Balm of Gilead,
The Great Physician here;
My Saviour and Advocate,
My Friend that's so dear.

He took me back and stood
Me before the glass;
Staring at my reflection, saying
"This too shall pass".

He gave to me a promise
As He took my hand;
Hope for my tomorrow-
For me, and expected end.

I do no have to worry
About not seeing ahead;
For I know that He is with me,
and I shall go where I am lead.

You Are Changing the World

Today I attended my first women's Bible study in a long time. I forgot how sweet it was to be around women believers, and listen to Truth being discussed.  One of the things we discussed (although briefly) was our ministry. How a lot of times we like to jump from the small things to the larger things. We do not have patience for the in-between.  It was read out of our devotional that if we try to work from the outside in our ministry will in effect implode on itself. 

 God has called all of us to be witnesses to the world, but for a lot of us our "world" doesn't go much further than our own homes. If you are like me, you might get frustrated when you can't go and do the big elaborate things. For me it was working and reaching out to other women; for you it might be a mission field or on a stage speaking to hundreds. So when my "ministry" was reduced to being at home 24/7 I suddenly started to feel at a loss.  I felt useless and not needed anymore. I felt as though I was accomplishing anything for the greater good.

 Now bear with me.

 Our lives are made up of chapters. Each chapter builds one into the other building our life story. At the end of our story our hope and prayer is that we lived a life that glorified God.  So what if we do not reach the world for God as it was commanded in the Great Commission? What if we never get the chance to go into all the world and preach? Does that mean we have failed in our following Christ? Not hardly.

 God first and foremost called us to minister from the inside outward. He has in-trusted us with people in our lives to minister to. It is how we handle this responsibility that will make a difference in eternity. So when I began feeling like my "ministry" was reduced it was really my pride and vanity talking. What I missed wasn't just the ability to help others, I missed the recognition and the praise. I missed the feeling of being appreciated on told so on a daily basis. My flesh missed all the things that glorified the flesh. At home I know my girls love me, but they certainly do not show appreciation for me. There are no thank you's for wiping up bodily functions or feeding them food they do not eat. There is no appreciation for sweeping the floor or doing laundry that never ends. My rewards have completely changed. 

 It took a few weeks, and today's Bible study, to start changing my perspective. It starts at home. If I want to change the world, I must pour my heart and soul into the children I have been so blessed with. They are the generation coming up, and their impact will be felt in ways mine never could. They will reach more people, see more things, and have different lives than mine. So my ministry in truth was not reduced; it was expanded! 

 As I try to teach my daughters my influence will be felt by others long after I am gone; whether it is good or bad. They will teach their sons and daughters what they have learned. They will be (hopefully) great followers of Christ.

 So as you sit amongst your piles of laundry ( mine is about 4 loads deep tonight to fold) and you want to cry in your towels. Remember that your quiet sacrifice and the love you have is doing as much or if not more than a missionary in the far reaches of the world. You are diligently praying and teaching your children. You are changing the world You one little soul at a time.