Sorry Hollywood....this is Me!

 For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my weight. I see pictures of me at 10 and 11 being a pretty chunky girl. I have always told myself that when I lose X amount of weight I would be happy.
 Why would I put my happiness with myself in a box and label it with a number? Is it fair to me to be unhappy with myself, ultimately making me unhappy with life, because of a number?
   Someone once told me that we as humans live for "someday", and in that we are wishing today away. "Someday I will do this", "One day I will be this...", and "Someday I will be this skinny.."...but what about today? Why not be happy with who I am, what I am, and how I am today?
  It has taken time but I finally realized that yes, I am heavy. There are reasons medical and not why I am so...but doesn't mean that I should not be happy with myself!
   Do I have dreams and aspirations? Yes, many of them. I am living a dream now as being a mom. Once my children are grown I will move into my next dream of my career....but I am not going to wish today away.
   So society can be kicked in the proverbial bottom. I have had two children, I have PCOS, I possibly have fibromyalsia, and my family lives on such a budget that makes it hard to eat whole grain and healthy (Hand me the Hamburger Helper!).
   I am tired of worrying what others think of my size...tired of being embarrassed to shop in the plus size section...tired of being embarrassed when I get stuck between two objects because I am carrying a wide load (yes, this happened when Sarah road a carousel....I got stuck between two of the horses in motion! MORTIFYING!)
  I am ME! I am BIG!
  But I am beautiful. I am beautiful to my husband. I am beautiful to my children. I am beautiful to my parents....time to be beautiful to myself.
  I do not want to be SOO discouraged by the number on the scale that I instill MY INSECURITIES to my daughters...for they will be beautiful no matter what their size.
  Does this mean I am going to go out an eat an entire box of Ho Hos? No. I will make healthy eating choices as much as I can. I will exercise as much as I can. But will it be for the sole purpose of losing weight? No. It will be more for the health aspect. But am I going to sweat it if I don't lose X number of pounds by Christmas? No.
 Why? Because I am beautiful me.
 Hollywood can have their size 0's....and their perfect complexion...and the symbol of sexuality.
 I am going to live my life HAPPY. I am a beautiful child of God... my husband loves and adores me...my children follow my footsteps. I want to leave behind a print of happiness, not one of sadness and discouragement.
 Take up your arms women of shape! Be proud of who you are, and what you are! Do your best to be healthy, but be happy with you as you are! For if you are happy where you are now, it makes any goal you set for yourself more attainable!

 So here I am world. Big as I am. Beautiful. Plus Size. Obese. However you you want to describe me. Here is Me.
 

Excusee the potty in the background he he :)