Accepting Myself in My Roles

 I am a wife.

 I am a mother.

 I am a daughter.

 I am a friend.

 I am a sales clerk.

 I am a lactation counselor.

 I am a (soon to be) student.

I am a woman.

 Roles. We live in our roles every second of the day. Often wearing multiple hats a day. Sometimes these roles can become overwhelming, and other days some of the roles just fall off the wagon. 

 For as long as I can remember, I have stressed out about how I was in each of these roles. I have battled guilt and anxiety, feeling like a failure when I haven't met up to my own high standards.  The days I felt I succeeded as at work I failed at motherhood. The days I felt I had the mothering thing worked out, I felt I failed in the wife area. So how could I stop letting myself and others down?

  I grew up in a culture of women were just stay at home moms. I wanted to be that perfect stay at home mother/wife for as long as I could remember.  You know the one that has a spotless house, well behaved children, and dinner on the table before the husband returned home from work.  I did that while Sam was in the army, but I found myself feeling like I was not accomplishing everything I felt I needed to. Once Natalie was born, I got a job out of necessity. I had severe PPD (post-partum depression) and I needed an outlet. I needed to have some time to myself.

The horror!

How could I want to be away from my children and my husband? How could I be so selfish?

I soon discovered that I became a better wife and mother when I had time to reset myself. I have recently discovered that I am an introvert, and that it is normal for me to need time to myself to recharge. If I had a chance to diffuse, I became more calm and less overwhelmed. For the longest time I struggled with that realization, but recently I have come to accept it as who I am.

I am not a horrible wife/mother because I work. I have not forgotten my greatest calling and my first priority, but to do those roles to the best of my ability I need to be away on occasion. I am not Mrs. Pinterest-Betty Crocker-Queen of Organization-Crafty-mom...and that's OK.

I admire the women who are able to juggle homeschooling, cooking from scratch, raising children, and building a birdhouse in the span of a day. I admire your strength and ability to do all these things so organized and well.  I love watching how you manage your household and always find time to do something you love at home.

But I am not you....and that is OK :)

  If you come over to my house on any given day, you will not find a house ready to go in Southern Living. Quite the opposite actually. You will find piles of clean (mostly) laundry that have yet to be folded and put away and dishes in the sink. My floor may have been swept a few day (days) ago, don't ask about mopping. Dusting..forget it. 

 I would stress out for the longest time about having a spotless house, and would feel bad because I wasn't doing what I "needed to do".

 What I was really doing was sitting on the couch snuggling with my three girls. These girls who are growing so fast and every little moment is just so precious. I was throwing balls, making messes, watching movies, and making memories. 

 It didn't take me long to know that making these memories was so much more important to me than having a spotless house.  Is your house truly spotless with three children under 4? My house is clean, but it is never spotless. There is always something to be done, but I would rather be in the throws of three giggling girls when I am home while they still want to spend time with me.

 Letting go of my own high expectations has been liberating. I still clean and cook (sometimes, Sam has sort of taken that over since he loves it so much). Sarah even helps me clean, but if there is still clutter I don't panic.

 I admire women who can do it all without sacrificing time with their children. I love how some women know how to include their children in every aspect; that just isn't a skill I have attained and doesn't seem like it is coming soon. 

  I love working, and I am fortunate to have a job where I can take my nursing baby. I am fortunate to have a husband who shares the work load. There is no "woman's work/man's work".  We both share responsibilities in equal parts. For this I am thankful. I would not be able to be nearly as sane or accepting of myself without a husband who loves me for who I am; and does not expect me to fall into the typical female roles.

 So if you fall into the housewife category or the working mom category. Know that all your roles are equally important as your counterpart. You are not any less a wife/mother whether you work or not. Your roles are given to you and it is okay to accept yourself in the path you are in, even if it isn't living up to the standard you grew up around OR put on yourself.  We are all different. We are all given different skills and finding what works for you and accepting that will make you a happier woman in all the roles you are given.