As January Ends....

On January 1st I made the decision that this year would be the of growth for me. I have been so stagnant in my life since July 2011 that I knew it was a time for a change. I decided that it was time that grow as a christian, wife, mother, and friend.  So to do this I decided it was time to make gradual changes, and to make those changes I knew I needed to start nurturing my soul. So each month I want to look back and say, "Yes, with God's grace I have grown this month."

This month has held huge changes for me. For the first time in years, and I mean years, I have been consistent with my devotion time every day. I found an app called She Reads Truth where it is full Biblical Truth and nuggets of wisdom by everyday women like me. It has been so encouraging and I have found myself looking forward to reading God's word and reading the encouraging ( or convicting!) words of the ladies writing the devotionals. For years my joy has been crushed under the weight of anger, bitterness, and loneliness...and as I have gone this month consistently reading God's word, I have found I have an unending peace and my joy has returned. Our trials have not lessened, but I have been able to see the positive more easily, and have been able to have more faith that I have ever had before (which isn't much more, I still have a LONG way to go). 


 Another big change is that after many months of longing we are finally in church. We found our church home and have fallen in love with the people. The charity that the people bear for one another there and towards us is so evident, that it is encouraging. I have been so spiritually broken for so long, that just walking in and seeing a smiling face is so healing. I know they are humans, but knowing that they genuinely care is so huge to us. This has been another step in increasing my joy. We tried closer churches, and looked at closer church-schools for Sarah, but each time we visited elsewhere God has shut the door so quickly that we knew the only place for us is Landmark Independent Baptist Church.

Now that the positive is out there... I still have so much more room to grow.

I have been consistently losing my patience with my girls. Struggling most days to enjoy this current season of motherhood. Three busy little girls under four years old is so trying at times. Some days I long for bedtime before lunch even hits. I work every day, so they want to be with me so much when I am home, and at that point all I can think of is "please let me drink my coffee and have quiet". I struggle with having a girl who wants to express her opinion very frequently; learning how to curve her spirit to being productive, but not breaking it.  With all that said, I do have good moments. My house struggles for it. Truthfully, I would rather close my eyes and hold my girls tight so I can enjoy these days when they want to be with me. In February my goal is to prayerfully grow in more patience and love towards my girls. Knowing this time is so short, that one day I will miss it.

As a wife, I still need to learn to appreciate more and criticize less. Sam does so much to help me. He cooks, cleans, is in school full time, and watches the girls. I am learning to say, "Thank you honey for doing this. " instead of saying, "You missed x, y, and z.". No, he doesn't clean like I do, but he does clean. He is a wonderful father, and so much more patient and consistent than I am. He has been the one to push us to faithfully go to church every week. He is an AMAZING COOK.  I am so fortunate to have such an involved husband, so my goal in February is to appreciate him so much more-and not take what he does for me for granted.

I am human.  I am so not perfect, but I long to be a better person than I am now. I am so thankful that God's mercies are new everyday, and that I can let go of yesterday's mistakes and start fresh.
Growing isn't easy.
But the results will be worth it!