No More Yelling: A different approach to parenting

 "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but 

grievous words stirreth up anger" Proverbs 15:1 

 Parenting can be stressful. When I say stressful I mean some days you are ready to jump off the nearest bridge or hide in the furthest corner of the world. You live in a world full of joy, love, and wonder; but those feelings are mixed with feelings of intense failure, fear, sadness, and desperation.

 Parenthood does not come with an owners manual, and although we have the wisdom [sometimes unwanted] from those who have raised their children before us but it still doesn't help with every situation with our particular child.

 What I have learned in my almost four short years of parenting is that everything is that it is not what I expected. I have learned that each child is different, sometimes polar opposites, that what worked with your first may not work with your second or third (or fourth, fifth,..tenth..).  The one rule I had for myself before Sarah was born is that I would never yell. I hate yelling. Let me rephrase, I abhor yelling. Yelling makes me cringe, and I never wanted to have to raise my voice at my children.  That rule has been broken so many times in the last 4 years it isn't even funny.

 It is not that I intend to yell at them, I just reach the end of my parenting rope some days and it comes out. I open my mouth in anger some days and regret it instantly. In anger is not the right way to discipline. In desperation is not the right way to parent.  Both lead to mistakes and frustrations.

 As Natalie is getting older, we have had to start disciplining more. She has always been our "Little" and so her petite size often makes us forget her age and how smart she really is. Since we have been cracking down, every word that is opposite of what she wants to do leads to instant water works. Constant crying leads to extreme frustration and we have often reached our boiling point before the days has ended. Our response to crying has been loud stern voices, which only makes it worse. We also do 'hands on the wall'(our version of time out that consists of them putting their hands on the wall until the crying is done) and conversations, but they are not that effective with her.

 The turning point for me was last week when I actually got into a screaming match with Sarah. I won the battle of wills, but I did not feel I accomplished anything. I had stooped to her level in my frustration and made the argument into an argument. I am mom. I do not argue with my child. So to not argue I needed to stop yelling.  

 A verse came to my mind, "A soft answer turneth away wrath." OUCH! I had been going about it the wrong way. 

 So after that I decided to try to see if that worked. So over the course of the past week I decided to take a different direction. Anytime Natalie was doing something she wasn't supposed to, I would softly but firmly correct her.  To my surprise she would comply with a simple "Yes ma'am" or "Ok" and go about her business. Same with Sarah. When she would start talking back I would say, "Sarah, you do not talk back to mama. If you do again, you are putting your hands on the wall" and for the most part she would comply! What used to be a day full of stress and anxiety, is now a day full of quiet obedience. 

 You can have discipline in your home without the strife of a raised voice. Being consistent and firm are so important. Not fearing "my child might not like me". Sadly, that is part of parenthood. We are meant to be our children's parents not friends. Friendship comes later once roles and boundaries are established.  I do not tolerate tantrums or downright disobedience, but now they are not address with yelling. I approach it with soft spoken words and firm consistency. 

 I have still failed at least multiple times a day, but I have sincerely seen a huge difference in the mood of the household and how the children react to the parenting that when I lost my temper and fell into the cycle. 

 So as I continue this season of motherhood, I continue to learn and grow. Growing pains are not always easy, but to see the difference in your home and children are so worth it.